“Natural Affections” and the Biblical Ordering of Our Loves (Part 2)

Part 1 of this series addressed responses to issues surrounding immigration and “race,” specifically the reactive movements of Kinism, natural affections, and the ordering of our loves. While these movements seek to address real problems, they do so in unhelpful and even sinful ways.

For example, to make “natural affections” paramount inevitably necessitates the downgrading of grace-based affections. Such a division comes from Thomas Aquinas and his nature-versus-grace dualism. Whether you’re on the “nature” or “grace” side of the affection, both sides adopt the same dualistic foundation. The only difference between the two is which side of the division they emphasize. Some stress our obligation to love family, nation, and kin; others focus on the obligation to love fellow Christians.

But it matters little which side of the dualism they trumpet because both sides stand on the same unbiblical foundation. Thus, the “grace” side wrongly deemphasizes the importance of family, nation, etc., in their ordering of loves, while some on the “nature” side often are obsessed with race and ethnicity, while others end up denigrating the importance of family and nation altogether. As long as we operate within this dualism, we are doomed to bounce back and forth between “nature” and “grace.”

Christians must reject this foundation and embrace the foundation of Scripture’s storyline—creation, fall, and redemption. This framework confronts us with the creational unity of the human race that is separated, not ethnically, but morally. The problem is sin, not skin. And yet, in this fallen world, we still face competing loves and obligations. We are, after all, limited in our time and resources. How, then, are we to decide? How do we rightly order our loves before God?  

In this article, I examine various Scripture passages that point to our obligations to both family and church. In these passages, we see there is a real tension in Scripture’s teaching. This article addresses the relevant passages so that we can accurately see that God demands us to love both our biological and church family. In a forthcoming third part of this series, I will examine how the concepts of covenant and sphere sovereignty help us to decide between apparent competing interests.

Passages that Order Our Loves

Much of the conflict in this discussion revolves around our obligation to either physical or spiritual family—biological family or church family. While different camps stress one side or the other, they both reflect, at least in part, a legitimate strand of biblical teaching. Only by acknowledging this tension can one hope to find a solution. Below is a sampling of applicable texts.

Passages on Obligations to Biological Family 

First, below are several representative texts that stress our obligations to biological family and kin: 

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12)

For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh. (Romans 9:3)

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8)

These verses establish our basic obligation to love those who have a biological kinship with us. The fifth commandment (Ex. 20:12) sets the stage for the household commands in the New Testament (Eph. 6:1–3; Col. 3:20–21). These commands stress the creational mandate for children to honor and obey their parents.

Moreover, the principle of honoring one’s parents extends beyond the immediate generation, as we should honor prior generations. Yes, this even applies to the boomers who are often the butt of many an online joke. The fifth commandment establishes a duty to respect one’s bloodline. This duty is a creational norm and commanded by our Creator. It is good, but it is not our only obligation.

Romans 9:3 develops this principle as Paul expresses his heart’s desire to sacrifice himself for his countrymen. He would have himself “cut off” to save his own kinsfolk. Paul’s desire is good as he displays the depths of his love in following Christ’s example of self-sacrifice (John 15:13). Paul’s desire reminds us that there is nothing wrong with loving your “kinsmen according to the flesh.” Loving your people, your nation, even your regional oddities (Midwest, East Coast, South, etc.) is part of being a human who lives in God’s world.

Yet, in Paul, there is no hint that his love for his kin competes with his love for the nations. The same Paul who wrote these words dedicated his life and was willing to die to reach the Gentiles. Paul did not say, “I’m not going to preach to the Gentiles until I get my people saved first.” True enough, he preached in synagogues first, but this was never without an aim to go to the Gentiles as well. Paul’s life is an example of sacrificial love for both Jew and Gentile.

Finally, 1 Timothy 5:8 establishes that belonging to the family of God does not negate our creational obligations to our biological family. Paul declares that supposed Christians who refuse to care for their own family are “worse than an unbeliever.” God wove an obligation into the fabric of the family unit. This is such a basic obligation that it is still the norm for unbelievers. To care for your own kin is part of being a human. Paul’s stark words remind us that the new realities brought by the new covenant do not wipe out God’s created order.

Yet, I fear some use this text to explain away all other obligations. Yes, caring for our biological family is essential, but it is not exhaustive. I fear that some think this type of love is the greatest, whereas Paul treats it as the most basic. It is true that if we don’t care for our family, we are worse than unbelievers, but some seem happy to be indistinguishable from unbelievers in their love. To love only your family is to be only as good as unbelievers. It shows no evidence of being transformed by Christ. The ethics of unbelievers are not the bar of Christian conduct; we are called to a greater standard.

Passages on Obligations to God’s Family

Next, there are also many passages that focus on the importance of our love for God and his people. Below is a small sampling of such texts:

For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. (Matthew 10:35–37)

While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” (Matthew 12:46–50)

Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life. (Mark 10:29–30)

But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. (Mark 10:29–30)

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. (1 Peter 2:9–10)

These verses are a small fraction of the overwhelming number of passages that address love of God, others, and fellow Christians. Everything from the verses commanding the church to “love one another” to the example set by early Christians addresses this topic. Nonetheless, the selected passages are representative of these important truths.

Matthew 10:35–37 establishes that our primary love is to be for God, through Christ, and this love may result in losing our families. Despite this great cost, we are called to be willing to pay it. This passage is a call to love God over our kin.

Next, in Matthew 12:46–50, Christ distances himself from his biological family, as there is some sense in which his spiritual family is more truly his family than his biological relatives are. Passages like this are likely why Paul had to write the correctives he did about caring for one’s family. Again, there is some sense that alignment with God, through Christ, is of more value than mere biological relations.  

In Mark 10:29–30, Jesus promises that everyone who loses their family, on account of following him, will receive a greater family, not just in the age to come, but also in this age! It is no coincidence that the early church referred to one another as their “brothers and sisters.” There is a real sense that the church is a family, right now. As such, the body of believers is part of God’s reward for those who lose their families for following Christ.

First Peter 2:9–10 deepens our understanding of what the church is. Peter declares that the church is a holy nation, a chosen race, and God’s own people. This same sentiment is echoed by Paul (Eph. 2:11–22). In some marvelous sense, the church is a nation, people, and family established by God, and these realities will outlast biological families that are divided by unbelief. The church is the kin of God and one another.

Finally, the famous Good Samaritan passage (Luke 10:29–37) directs whom we are to love as our neighbor. In this parable, a Jewish man is attacked and left for dead, but a Samaritan rescues him. It is the Samaritan who displays neighborly love, even as he crosses the lines of his national identity. Our duty to love our neighbors extends beyond our national, cultural, and ethnic divisions. Of course, such an obligation must also meet an opportunity. Jesus does not condemn a Jewish Priest who is working in the temple, and doesn’t pass by the victim. Rather, he condemns those who had the chance to help and refused. We are not omnipresent. Our finiteness inevitably shapes the practical scope of our love.   

These two sets of passages demonstrate a real tension in the Christian ethic. What should we do if we must choose between our spiritual and biological family? On the one hand, if it is a question of resources, the Bible appears to give priority to our biological family. On the other hand, if it is a question of allegiance, truth, and faith, the Bible gives priority to our spiritual family. Sadly, many people have shipwrecked their faith when a loved one identifies with a sinful lifestyle and they abandon the clear teaching of Scripture. Love of kin is not a valid excuse to deny the tenets of the faith.

How do we make sense of these competing obligations? Simply dividing these obligations into natural relationships versus grace relationships is not biblical and is nowhere supported in the text. Moreover, such a division doesn’t help us to know when we choose which one over the other.  

Expanding, Not Replacing

We move toward a solution, noting the unity of our ethic. By using the language of family, nation, and kin to describe the church, the Bible is not replacing our familial obligations but expanding them. The church does not replace the family, but it does add another sphere of obligation. In this tension, we must remember that we live in the overlap of the ages—between the already and the not-yet. The old creation is not gone, nor are its realities and obligations. They are still real and binding upon us. Yet, the new creation has broken into this world and that also directs our actions.

Christians must guard against an over-realized eschatology where family is discarded for the church. Yet, our brothers and sisters in Christ are truly our family as well. We live between the ages, with one foot in both worlds. However, there is fundamental unity in the story. Man was created one in Adam, division comes through the fall, and man is being redeemed and reunited through the second, greater Adam, who is Christ. Instead of “nature versus grace,” we have creation, fall, and redemption that direct our ethic.

Instead of having two sets of families (nature and grace) that are in tension with each other, it is better to see the new covenant realities as expanding our familial obligations. Our brothers and sisters in Christ do not wholly replace our biological families, but are added to our familial obligations. Both are our family, though in different ways. And, based on these covenantal realities, we have distinct obligations to both family and the church. It’s not either/or; rather, it’s both/and.  

In the third and final part of this series, I will unpack how the ideas of covenant and sphere sovereignty help us to biblically order our loves.

Pastor Levi Secord

Christ Bible Church